Slashfilm by Rafael Motamayor

The mystery is a convoluted mess, clearly attempting to marry the intrigue of "Chinatown" with the escalating chaos of a Coen Brothers movie while failing to make things compelling, all while the wacky humor falls flat.

TheWrap by Martin Tsai

The film never fully commits itself to neo-noir beyond the plot.

The Daily Beast by Nick Schager

Conspiracies are everywhere in Poolman, although the greatest mystery might be how anyone involved was attracted to this tidal wave of dire kookiness.

Screen Rant by Patrice Witherspoon

Poolman is an unfunny spoof of neo-noir thrillers with hazy direction, even messier storytelling, and unbearable dialogue.

The Hollywood Reporter by Michael Rechtshaffen

While Pine is undeniably a charismatic actor, that likability can only generate so much audience good will in a production overstuffed with cartoonish caricatures lacking any sort of deeper connective tissue.

The A.V. Club

If you’re a Chris Pine super-fan looking to live inside the actor’s head for a little while, Poolman just might be for you. But if you’re pretty much anyone else—even someone looking for some so-bad-it’s-good fun—take a lesson from the walkouts and stay out of the splash zone.

Collider

Without the foundation of solid writing for Pine to direct from, everything ends up being lackluster and takes away from that aspect, no matter how strong the cast is and how cartoonish the situations are.

Total Film by Matt Maytum

You can at least say for the film that it’s clearly targeting a surreal, stoner vibe. But even cutting it that slack, there’s barely anything here to recommend.

Variety by Owen Gleiberman

I take no vicious pleasure in saying that Poolman, a movie that Pine co-wrote, directed, and stars in, is not only the worst film I saw during the fall festival season but would likely be one of the worst films in any year it came out.

IndieWire by Siddhant Adlakha

It’s only 100 minutes long, but upward of 99 of those minutes are likely to be spent in silent boredom, if not irritated disbelief at being subjected to such guileless, artless nonsense.